i deserve death

For some reason, i always do my deepest thinking at night, and most times i just ponder and pray on some things for a while and try my best to fall asleep. But tonight is different, especially because i've had coffee and the steelers are playing.

My thoughts all began when someone mentioned something about wishing someone was dead because of what a horrible sinner they were, i think they were speaking of a famous tv evangelist that i will not name, but we can all guess. Anyways after thinking about this person for a while and hearing horror stories of things this person has said and done i began myself loathing this person and speaking words that aren't suitable for little children to hear. Lord how could you, with all the power in the world, let someone as unholy as him speak against you name like that? Why not just kill him, like this other person had suggested? I have to say I often ask God this question about many a people...but none the less...i would still hear this same response...

Then in what i think would be God's sarcastic voice i hear "why don't i just kill you?"

ohhh my gosh! i am appalled! But Lord, i would never do such a thing! I have lived for you every step of my life and devoted my whole entire being to serving you and sharing your love with people around the world! I mean i have never smoked, done drunks, drank, had sex, in fact i've never even had a boyfriend! I'm about as perfect as any girl would want to be!

As I am making my own selfish objections and pleadings i was then gently reminded of my own sins. Anger, bitterness, rage, deceit, lying, gossiping, lust, jealousy, self-centeredness and list could go on forever. I sat and wept. My heart sank at how self-centerend and foolish i have become. Who am I to decided who is the most sinful, when I myself am a sinner, just like anyone else.

I deserve death. We all deserve death. But oh then there is grace and mercy. And it is only through Jesus that we receive this grace and mercy. Oh for the love he has for us, that even while we were still sinners God sent his one and only son, his perfect blameless, selfless son, to die on a cross and save me from the death that i deserve because of my sinfulness. I am speechless and and awe. How wonderful, that He would love me enough to do such a thing for even me. For you. for everyone.

i deserve death, and He gives me life.

Thank you Jesus.

I am astonished at us as humans. Where did this promise come from that life would be perfect, that we would never have to deal with death, cancer, loss of jobs, pain, broken relationships, broken families, diseases, anxiety, betrayal, when did God ever promise that we would never have to go through these things?

In fact He quite said the opposite John 16:33 "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, will fear no evil for you are with me." James 1:2 "Consider is pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."..Remember Paul being in jail for years? Remember Stephen being stoned to death? Remember Moses never going into the promise land because he sinned? Remember David's own sons trying to kill him? Remember when the King of Kings and Lord of Lords sent his perfect and sinless son into our world, to take on our pain, our sorrow, our guilt, our sins? He carried them to the cross where he died for all these horrible things in life that we go through, that we put ourselves through most of the time. Then He did more than just nail our sins to a cross,never to be heard of again, but He tore the veil, he conquered death so that we might have a lasting intimate relationship with the Savior of the World!!!

And yet we still complain to God? Yet for us selfish humans it's still not enough that Jesus would take Rebekah Reese's (insert your name here) dirty horrible rotten sin and wipe it all away without a second thought and then He would open up a door to my heart to have a personal relationship with Him, even while i was still sinning? Don't get me wrong, I've done my complaining...my questioning and then i realize what room do i have to complain? I was never promised a happy joyful life at all times. None of us were. So let's just do ourselves a favor and stop. Stop complaining about something you were never promised in this life and start praising God for saving you, a sinner deserving of death a million times over, yet there is hope past this life. Hope and a glory only found in that of Jesus Christ! Thank God!

This is who I am.

Remember all those millions of times when you were a kid and someone asked you, "What will you be when you grow up?" I'm pretty sure my response was never the same, It went from, being a dancer, to a singer, to a mom, to a nurse, to probably hundreds of other things.

I laugh now at myself, at what a crazy child I must have been, not having a clue about who I was, or what God would be doing in my life years from then.

And so I was reading in Acts this morning about Stephen and I was thinking how crazy it was that God created Stephen to die the way he did. Gosh Stephen what would you like to be when you grow up? And His response would be...I want to get stoned to death for Jesus! I highly doubt that! Yet I don't think Stephen even at the time he was being stoned, knew the impact he was having on the world at that time, that he would inspire and start a fire in the hearts of millions of people. And here I am Rebekah Anne Reese over 2,000 years later, being inspired. God knew that this story would one day stir up a passion inside me, to share Christ's love with others. This utterly astonishes me.

I am Rebekah Reese, I am a filthy dirty horrible rotten sinner, but I love and believe in a savior who has saved me from my own selfish and horribly evil ways to bring me into new life with him. I am not perfect, even though at times i think i come pretty close, even so in those moments I am the farthest thing from perfect! I am not trying to be the next Jeanne Mayo, Beth Moore, or Joyce Meyer. I'm just a young woman trying to be apart of body of believers who are daily laying down their lives, their own selfish motives and desires to bring glory to God, to enjoy him forever and to share that with everyone we come into contact with. Even if trials, tribulation and even death may come I will still praise Him, for He is worthy. This is who I am. ...Who are you?