i deserve death

For some reason, i always do my deepest thinking at night, and most times i just ponder and pray on some things for a while and try my best to fall asleep. But tonight is different, especially because i've had coffee and the steelers are playing.

My thoughts all began when someone mentioned something about wishing someone was dead because of what a horrible sinner they were, i think they were speaking of a famous tv evangelist that i will not name, but we can all guess. Anyways after thinking about this person for a while and hearing horror stories of things this person has said and done i began myself loathing this person and speaking words that aren't suitable for little children to hear. Lord how could you, with all the power in the world, let someone as unholy as him speak against you name like that? Why not just kill him, like this other person had suggested? I have to say I often ask God this question about many a people...but none the less...i would still hear this same response...

Then in what i think would be God's sarcastic voice i hear "why don't i just kill you?"

ohhh my gosh! i am appalled! But Lord, i would never do such a thing! I have lived for you every step of my life and devoted my whole entire being to serving you and sharing your love with people around the world! I mean i have never smoked, done drunks, drank, had sex, in fact i've never even had a boyfriend! I'm about as perfect as any girl would want to be!

As I am making my own selfish objections and pleadings i was then gently reminded of my own sins. Anger, bitterness, rage, deceit, lying, gossiping, lust, jealousy, self-centeredness and list could go on forever. I sat and wept. My heart sank at how self-centerend and foolish i have become. Who am I to decided who is the most sinful, when I myself am a sinner, just like anyone else.

I deserve death. We all deserve death. But oh then there is grace and mercy. And it is only through Jesus that we receive this grace and mercy. Oh for the love he has for us, that even while we were still sinners God sent his one and only son, his perfect blameless, selfless son, to die on a cross and save me from the death that i deserve because of my sinfulness. I am speechless and and awe. How wonderful, that He would love me enough to do such a thing for even me. For you. for everyone.

i deserve death, and He gives me life.

Thank you Jesus.