26, and it's only the beginning

Last year I turned 25 and the whole year was pretty much horrible. I called it my half way to 50 year and my quarter life crisis year. Everything bad that happened during that year I blamed on my quarter life crisis. I did not by any means want to turn 25. I know this sounds silly for those of you over that age, but I just did not have a good outlook on that year. I didn't set any goals for what I wanted to accomplish in my personal life, my ministry life, my relational life or even my financial life. So I went into the year with this horrible attitude about my life.

This year I decided it would be different. 26. I have claimed things over my life that I've almost been fearful to put much thought into before. I have goals set in four main areas of my life: personal, ministry, relational and finanical. These goals I set helped push me to a greater understanding of who God has called me to be as a women and what He wants to do with my life. I have accepted 26 not as getting older, but getting wiser. I don't want to become younger, for with age comes wisdom and beauty, and though I would love to cling to my young innocent past as a girl. I am now a woman of God who knows that she is loved, beautiful, called, and that I have dreams and plans for my life that only God could ever achieve. I am thrilled to be 26, I have taken my time that I used to squander and replaced it to build life, to mentor, study, read, build relationships, work, minister, and enjoy this wonderful life God has blessed me with.

I will no longer look at the glass half full. I will no longer see being single as a disease, but as a season, and most importantly as a gift from God. I will no longer make excuses that I have no time, I will make time for the things that have priorities in my life. I will no longer be disappointed from my mistakes, instead I will learn from my mistakes. I will no longer speak negative words over my life, but I will begin to speak scripture over my life.

I'm 26, and it's only the beginning.

first week of summer tour

Our intern training week is coming to an end and our 4 day Painted Grace Tour begins tomorrow then after that our first of 6 expeditions begin! We couldn't have been blessed with a better intern/staff team this summer. We have such a young and amazing group of young adults. One of which is my cousin: Aaron Dates and it just thrills me to share this once in a lifetime experience with someone in my family! He is awesome and hilarious, seriously i think i've laughed more this week than i have in my whole life!

We have our summer staffers: Alexis Gargasz and Brian Peterson. I love them, they are like my family as well. Alexis is the founder of Painted Grace and uses art to minister to people who are in the "artsy" crowd. She's freakin awesome and talented beyond her years! I am proud to work along side her and Brian!

Then we have: Elena Potter, Beth Thombs, Jackson Stoltzfus, Tasha Stoltzfus, Amanda Sprouse, Ian Alves and Nate Noble. Wow there are soooo many! I've never traveled with such a big team let alone this many guys! I am so excited to see where God is taking Holy Hands. Since we made the move out to Lancaster, I feel like God has just been doing so many crazy things, I get so excited to think about the future, but I am even more excited about living out the present!

Keep on praying for us, God is going to be doing some amazing things in our lives, in this ministry and hundreds of people's lives this summer and I can't wait to get it started tomorrow!

one week in lancaster

so it has been a terribly crazy past 2 or 3 weeks. First my mother shattered her ankle, is now the bionic woman we call her, with 15 screws and a plate in her ankle. This happened exactly a week before my move to lancaster, so therefore i was in the hospital almost everyday/night of that last week in new castle. Then the moving and packing days arrived and just flew by and all the sudden i was driving away from new castle, my family, my friends, my home. moving to a place that is to be now called home, to my new church family, and new friends. so like anyone else does, on the drive out to lancaster that day i put on eminem "if you had one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted, in one moment, would you capture it, or just let is slip" I knew there was no looking back, no holding on to "mommy and daddy" anymore. i wasn't going to college, i was moving, for real, for good. This was my one shot, to get out, to take a chance, to make a change, a big change.

About a year ago God planted in my heart a seed and desire to move out here, of course not without holy hands, and to be apart of an absolutely amazing church, Freedom Life Christian Center. So after a year of dreaming and praying, it has all become reality, and i am giddy, missing home some days, yes, but not having much time to really miss it either. We (holy hands/first fruits) have moved our office out here to lancaster, more details on that to come in another blog. So i did not leave holy hands, i really believe holy hands will continue to be a huge part of my life, for a very long time. I could not be more excited about the opportunities i have with moving out here! Since i was a young girl i have always dreamed of getting my own apartment, with a little kitty of course and being independent all on my own before prince charming was to come along. i know it all sounds silly, but it's all coming together, and i just can't stop smiling, seriously. hehe. who would have thought i would love living in lancaster, but i do, at least this week i do.

anyways that's all for now, just some ramblings in my head...thanks for all the prayers. I am so blessed beyond words. :)

So my friend posted this video a few days ago and it's still sinking in. check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTc_FoELt8s

The realism of how his statement is so true. Even in my own life. Is He enough? Will I be strong enough in those deep darkest moments to say that He is enough. What about my dreams? I'm not just talking about owning a SUV and living a pretty house with a white picket fence. What if my dreams, even if they are His, don't come to pass. What if? Will He be enough still? What if I never marry, if i never have kids, if i never get to see the places my heart longs to go to, what if i do get those things and they are taken from me? Will He be enough in those moments, in those times?

To sit and realize, I have one life to live, and if everything doesn't go as planned. If i don't get to see the seven wonders of the world, if i don't get a wedding day, if i don't get coffee with my husband when i'm 65, if i don't get to hold my new born baby, if i don't get to dress up my daughters for their proms and see my sons play sports, write books, and have children of their own. If I don't get to help train and disciple hundreds or even thousands of people to know God more and to love God more. My heart breaks just thinking these things, but what about Hebrews 11. When all those men and women who probably had similar dreams of their own that were probably never fulfilled. There was a greater promise, a greater fulfillment. God was enough for them. more than enough.

I pray that no matter what may come in my future, weather God fulfills the longing and desires and passions in my heart, or in fact that as John Piper says that I would be marked by suffering and that none of those things would come to pass so that in that i might show the world and the people around me that He is MOST glorified when I am MOST satisfied in Him. My flesh and my heart may fail, but He is my strength and my portion ....FOREVER. So be it!

chipped nail polish

So just like almost everyone else, we want to make new years resolutions and yet, never seem to fulfill them. But then I had heard about this one word to describe what you wanted to change over the next new year, not really as a resolution, but you could call it that if you really wanted to. So i thought for a while about all the millions of things i would like to change and the word disciplined came to mind. Here are a few examples of why i need more discipline:

i am currently in the middle of reading 5 books, it takes me forever to finish a book, because i find a new one and my attention is turned to that book for a few days or weeks then onto another new book, and then i find myself in this situation. so i really want to get myself on a reading schedule, where i give myself a week or a week and a half to finish a book and then move on, but so far in january, that hasn't worked out well. discipline fail. already.

another one is the fact that i set out to work out 3 times a week. i either am totally into it, working out everyday for an hour or not at all or once a week. so i thought to set myself a reasonable goal where i could really be disciplined with it. so 3 times a week sounded great. discipline fail. i've only been working out once a week, if i'm lucky and i've volunteered myself to run a 5k in April. i've really got to be more disciplined now!

i really want to be a morning person, like i really really do! yet i will set my alarm for 7 am (yes i know that's not even early for some of you, but it is for me) and before i go to bed, be determined to wake up as soon as that alarm goes off and get started with my morning routine. yet i wake up an hour after my alarm goes off, because i hit the snooze button so many times. i roll out of bed mumbling "i hate mornings" out loud to myself. thus again, discipline fail.

then there is my nails. i know so simple, yet so annoying. i always tell myself i will paint my nails once or even twice a week as needed. i hate seeing other people with chipped nail polish, yet i have it ALL the time. so i've decided i would put the extra effort into doing my nails once or twice a week. discipline fail again, because as i am typing i have chipped dark purple nail polish sitting on my fingers. ha!

and there are so many more things that i wanted to be disciplined about, but i am not. i will not go on to list them because well, that's just really boring. so i kind of feel like a failure, kind of down and out. i can't even accomplish these simple things, yet how does God expect me to do such great things for him? just little old me, not really good at any particular thing, but oh how my heart beat to see lives changed for His glory. My desire is to accomplish ridiculously amazing things for God, and yet it seems like i can't even get out of bed at the right time in the morning.

then God in his great and unending love for me, says that He knows me. Rebekah Reese. inside and out, all my failures and short comings, all of my undisciplinedness. I get so caught up in my failures, in my weaknesses sometimes that i am overcome with guilt that i am not good enough. then God in his loving voice tells me that's why he sent jesus to die on the cross. He knew i would never be perfect, that i would fail and feel dirty and guilty, but he pursues me anyway, wants to use me in ridiculously amazing ways anyway. that's the whole point of the cross, and yet sometimes in my human understanding i can't wrap my head around such an amazing love.

i can't say that i'll figure out how to be more disciplined, but i won't stop trying, just like he won't stop loving me, just like He will never stop pursuing me no matter how many times i fail.